Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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