He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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