I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
