Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
not ubering you a puppy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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