I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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