i would punch a child for taco bell
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
