i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
