Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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