It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Drake has all the answers
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
