One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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