I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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