Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
