I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
