i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
