Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
