What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
