I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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