He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
