You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
