So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
