i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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