Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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