Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dignity is for republicans.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
