I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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