I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
