I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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