and she was petting her beer can
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
