absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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