This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
