woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
