after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
