I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
