Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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