I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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