Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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