Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
