A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
