How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
