so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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