She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
third nipple confirmed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
