at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
