she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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