On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
