I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Green mimosas i think yes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am one with the molecules
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
