So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
