He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
