the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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