Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
