His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
