They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My life is pants optional.
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