I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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