I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize