Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
