What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
