All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
