A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
