How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
