Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
