you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was like eating out sand paper
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
