I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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