you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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