I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
