Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
