Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
