Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
