i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
