So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
