Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This show inspires me to have sex in space
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
