it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
