Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We're too hungover to prance.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
