dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
